We look for faith/god because anything otherwise is a life so miserable and meaningless that there would be nothing left to pursue. If we look for faith/god, it is tainted with weakness and cowardice , irrationality, discarding science, pride of human logic. On both the sides there is doubt and confusion, dread and horror. And the bridge between them is not for the ones with fog and poetry. So what is one to do? And at some point you just have to run with what you absorbed through the life, whether you call it schooled education, programming or conditioning. You took on what you took on. Out of this entire realm of multiple layers and realities, you took on what you took on. And perhaps you took on a definition of heart and how it cries and is in joy that erupts and explodes on the sight of a flower or a wood god. And that is ok. That is just ok. I suppose.